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Sep. 15th, 2006 02:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
teddogWent out to see the Covenant last night, hoping to see a really stupid movie. And what I saw was... uh...
Just to step back a little, I used to consider myself a Horror Movie fan back in high school when frankly, I'm not. The truth that I later discovered is that I'm a Cheesy Media fan. There's a fair amount of crossover in the two (a lot of horror movies are cheesy), but I'm not the type of person to discuss blood and gore and how it connects me to the movie screen. I do keep body counts, but I do that for James Bond films too. Futhermore, I have issues with Horror fans because this creepy guy how was somewhat into me was a huge Horror fan. We used to be friends and I guess he assumed that when I mentioned that I hunted rental places for b-movies (which was true when my father was alive) that I was one of those hardcore fans and therefore perfect for him. Ugh. This guy is now chasing a girl who just turned 16 instead of me and I pity her.
Moving right along from that bit of history, it should be clear that I'm not cranky about how the film took the horror genre and made it clean enough for everyone, as some other people have been complaining about. No, I'm more annoyed that this film falls under the catagory of "media for pretentious Goths". I have no issue with others playing in my playground, but when you start taking a glorified b-movie seriously, then you start to have a problem.
For the life of me, I can't figure out why this film was made. Because it's trying to make a serious attempt to appeal to the teenage market (See: misunderstood pretty characters of the male following), I don't think it's trying to be a cheesy movie from the start. Compare it to Buckaroo Banzai, which was also a b-movie running around in a-movie clothing. The difference is that Buckaroo Banzai went out of its way to be quirky (Peter Weller singing? Where's my gun?), while The Covenant tries too hard to be normal. No, wait. Not quite normal, but appealing to that teenage market I mentioned before, the one that claims they aren't normal and are misunderstood.
The Covenant also isn't accidentally funny, like many of the films on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Manos: The Hands of Fate, for example, was an attempt to make a normalish horror flick on a super tight budget. The result there is a poorly lit film dubbed over by three people with a plot that doesn't really go anywhere. If Manos had higher production values, it probably would been written off and forgotten; part of its... uh... "charm" is the super low budget. The Covenant tries too hard to be slick, to the point where it's pretty stupid but not exactly funny. It finally got to the point of goofy right at the end, but that was not worth sitting around and being bored for over an hour.
So, we have a true crappy b-movie that's not worth the screens it's playing on. Bah. Why must the film companies fail?
If you're looking for b-movie cheese of the recently re-released kind, check out the new Elvira's Movie Macabre releases that Shout! Factory is going to be releasing either next week or in early October (I've heard different dates). There's also MST3K: Volume 10, which has... some kind of horror on it. The "What To Do On A Date" skit was pretty darn creepy.
Just to step back a little, I used to consider myself a Horror Movie fan back in high school when frankly, I'm not. The truth that I later discovered is that I'm a Cheesy Media fan. There's a fair amount of crossover in the two (a lot of horror movies are cheesy), but I'm not the type of person to discuss blood and gore and how it connects me to the movie screen. I do keep body counts, but I do that for James Bond films too. Futhermore, I have issues with Horror fans because this creepy guy how was somewhat into me was a huge Horror fan. We used to be friends and I guess he assumed that when I mentioned that I hunted rental places for b-movies (which was true when my father was alive) that I was one of those hardcore fans and therefore perfect for him. Ugh. This guy is now chasing a girl who just turned 16 instead of me and I pity her.
Moving right along from that bit of history, it should be clear that I'm not cranky about how the film took the horror genre and made it clean enough for everyone, as some other people have been complaining about. No, I'm more annoyed that this film falls under the catagory of "media for pretentious Goths". I have no issue with others playing in my playground, but when you start taking a glorified b-movie seriously, then you start to have a problem.
For the life of me, I can't figure out why this film was made. Because it's trying to make a serious attempt to appeal to the teenage market (See: misunderstood pretty characters of the male following), I don't think it's trying to be a cheesy movie from the start. Compare it to Buckaroo Banzai, which was also a b-movie running around in a-movie clothing. The difference is that Buckaroo Banzai went out of its way to be quirky (Peter Weller singing? Where's my gun?), while The Covenant tries too hard to be normal. No, wait. Not quite normal, but appealing to that teenage market I mentioned before, the one that claims they aren't normal and are misunderstood.
The Covenant also isn't accidentally funny, like many of the films on Mystery Science Theater 3000. Manos: The Hands of Fate, for example, was an attempt to make a normalish horror flick on a super tight budget. The result there is a poorly lit film dubbed over by three people with a plot that doesn't really go anywhere. If Manos had higher production values, it probably would been written off and forgotten; part of its... uh... "charm" is the super low budget. The Covenant tries too hard to be slick, to the point where it's pretty stupid but not exactly funny. It finally got to the point of goofy right at the end, but that was not worth sitting around and being bored for over an hour.
So, we have a true crappy b-movie that's not worth the screens it's playing on. Bah. Why must the film companies fail?
If you're looking for b-movie cheese of the recently re-released kind, check out the new Elvira's Movie Macabre releases that Shout! Factory is going to be releasing either next week or in early October (I've heard different dates). There's also MST3K: Volume 10, which has... some kind of horror on it. The "What To Do On A Date" skit was pretty darn creepy.
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no subject
Date: 2006-09-16 02:50 pm (UTC)I don't consider Buckaroo a great movie, but it's an incredibly enjoyable movie. And that makes all the difference...
Von
no subject
Date: 2006-09-16 04:50 pm (UTC)I would never claim Buckaroo a great film, much like I would never ever claim Manos a great film either. Without the Mystery Science Theater crew, Manos is nearly unwatchable. However, Buckaroo is an entertaining b-movie that works well as an example of a film that's deliberately cheesy. There's no way that they were writing a serious film.
The Covenant could have held my interest if it was just a little bit quirky like the above examples. Instead, it was limited to being about rich, spoiled, "pretty" characters with no noticable flaws and lots of special powers that let them get away with murder and a villain who's exactly the same as they are. It's like watching a bunch of cardboard cutouts.
no subject
Date: 2006-09-18 06:42 pm (UTC)Von