I am very lost. Lost and confused.
Dec. 7th, 2003 08:48 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
teddogMaybe it's the holidays or the excess of clean air up here or the fact that I haven't been to church that lately, but... I feel like I'm at a crossroads.
I've spent a lot of time ranting about my past and present. I've come to think about the following:
1) I have no set home, but I enjoy this. The lack of cash and car are painful at times, but this is the way I've wanted to live my life for YEARS and I've finally had a chance to do it and I love it.
2) T-Bay rocks. There was ad on TV for a gas station that has some state of the art sharpener. Do you know how cool that is?
3) Fandom verses my personal stuff. This is a stumbling block. I've been in online fandoms since, oh, 2000. I didn't get really into it until 2001 when I was mad at the world one night and posted into the TTPCTS Club round robin. I want to stay in fandom, but what happens if it becomes a confict of interest? What happens if I want to do something and no one is there? Steff will always be there, but what about everyone else? :-P
I want to focus more on my personal work, but I barely have time outside of school. As such, I've tried to fuse my personal work with my school work. I can't really do much fan stuff at school because of copyright issues. I want to include a certian character in Subreality, but lack the time to do it.
4) My placement. Wheee. JP is pushing me to chase a placement at LucasArts. It seems like fun, but it doesn't feel RIGHT. It's hard to tell the difference between what I WANT to do and what I SHOULD do. People from this program have gone everywhere and the school wants us to aim high. If I told people where I really wanted to go, they'd tell me to forget my dreams and aim higher.
That's all for now.
I've spent a lot of time ranting about my past and present. I've come to think about the following:
1) I have no set home, but I enjoy this. The lack of cash and car are painful at times, but this is the way I've wanted to live my life for YEARS and I've finally had a chance to do it and I love it.
2) T-Bay rocks. There was ad on TV for a gas station that has some state of the art sharpener. Do you know how cool that is?
3) Fandom verses my personal stuff. This is a stumbling block. I've been in online fandoms since, oh, 2000. I didn't get really into it until 2001 when I was mad at the world one night and posted into the TTPCTS Club round robin. I want to stay in fandom, but what happens if it becomes a confict of interest? What happens if I want to do something and no one is there? Steff will always be there, but what about everyone else? :-P
I want to focus more on my personal work, but I barely have time outside of school. As such, I've tried to fuse my personal work with my school work. I can't really do much fan stuff at school because of copyright issues. I want to include a certian character in Subreality, but lack the time to do it.
4) My placement. Wheee. JP is pushing me to chase a placement at LucasArts. It seems like fun, but it doesn't feel RIGHT. It's hard to tell the difference between what I WANT to do and what I SHOULD do. People from this program have gone everywhere and the school wants us to aim high. If I told people where I really wanted to go, they'd tell me to forget my dreams and aim higher.
That's all for now.
